The Centurion

Well, as long as I'm going to do this blog thing, I might as well jump in with both feet. I know, I know, I'm about a century behind everybody else in doing this, but here are my 100 goofy (or maybe not) facts about me:

1. When my mom was in labor with me, she was driven to the hospital in the back of a drug-dealing gangster's pimp-mobile.
2. I once had a Victoria's Secret model tell me she was jealous of my eyelashes.
3. I have been to 12 different countries, none of them were either Mexico or Canada.
4. I once played a practical joke on Geraldo Rivera.
5. I'm semi-ambidextrous.
6. I can count in German.
7. My eyes used to be brown, but now they are mostly green.
8. In my past life I'm pretty sure I was a fighter pilot in WWII, probably flying P-51 Mustangs in Europe. I died.
9. I have one of the highest security clearances in the military (Top Secret-SCI) but have never used it.
10. I used to illegally collect golf balls at the American Falls golf course for candy money.
11. On February 21, 2005, I almost died in Iraq when a rocket hit our fuel dump. The next day I was in Boise, ID, for the death of my father.
12. I have met Clint Eastwood 3 times.
13. I used to go sledding at the golf course where I collected balls.
14. I am a distant cousin of Tom Brokaw.
15. I was the Boise Regional Chess Champion in the 6th grade.
16. I have a birthmark on the tip of my you-know-what.
17. My favorite drink is the Long Island Iced Tea.
18. It drives me nuts when people don't signal their turns.
19. Female soccer players are the sexiest thing in sports.
20. I cannot bend the tip of my right pinky due to a machete accident.
21. I have had silver hairs on my head since I was 15.
22. I am the Eggman.
23. My birthday was on the 37th anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima.
24. When I was 12 I had a testicular torsion.
25. My elbows hyper-extend.
26. School buses and slow drivers are my #1 causes of road rage.
27. I am a geographical genius. There's a plaque in my elementary school to prove it.
28. I am the master of useless knowledge.
29. I hate avocados but I love guacamole. Go figure.
30. Hot sauce is a gift from the gods.
31. I currently own 332 cd's.
32. When I was a kid I thought tigers were the coolest animal ever. I still do.
33. I took three years of Latin in high school and hardly remember any of it.
34. Valonus Amniculi is my real name - in Latin.
35. I am a Marine Corps expert rifleman.
36. I voted for Bush the first time. For this I apologize.
37. I could read by the time I was three and a half. My first book was "The Hobbit".
38. I'm a cuddler.
39. I got my first "girlfriend" by giving her a dollar in 3rd grade. Her name was Nikki. We held hands.
40. My first grade teacher tried to force me to write righthanded - until my mom threatened to hit her.
41. I used to be a telephone surveyor.
42. I have been to NYC but never saw the Empire State Building.
43. My dad once threw my bike and broke it because I wasn't learning how to ride it fast enough. I didn't have another bike for two years.
44. I keep any coin I get minted before 1960.
45. I could live on Asian cuisine.
46. I could live on Italian cuisine.
47. I could live on Mexican cuisine.
48. I would die for a good plate of BBQ ribs.
49. Every year I say I'm going to switch football teams. Every year I stick with Green Bay.
50. I have had sex during an earthquake.
51. My wife and I drove from Boise to Jacksonville, NC, in 2.5 days.
52. When I die I want my ashes thrown off the Bixby Bridge in Big Sur.
53. I prefer brunettes.
54. I'm not racist but I love racial slurs.
55. I have eaten camel.
56. Burnt matches is one of my favorite smells.
57. I have a homemade tattoo on my right ankle that says "FMC" - for the Flightline Muppet Club.
58. Sometimes I really do have Jedi reflexes.
59. I can write my name in Arabic.
60. With a good team, I could completely remove and re-install an engine from a CH-46E Sea Knight helicopter in under 30 minutes.
61. I have a cat named Simian. He has 14 toes.
62. My favorite beer is Yuengling, from America's oldest brewery.
63. I didn't get drunk for the first time until I was 19. Coincidently I got married at 19 too.
64. I have never taken an illegal drug, but if I had my choice it would probably be psilocybin mushrooms.
65. My Marine Corps nickname was "Guido".
66. At one time I drove a silver 2001 VW Beetle. It was called the "Turbo Dome" by my condescending peers.
67. I loved that car.
68. My first car was a '66 Ford F100 pickup which is currently rusting away in my stepmom's driveway.
69. I played DE and TE in school.
70. Although I scored in the 99 percentile in national testing, my final highschool GPA was 2.47.
71. I can't drink Crown Royal anymore.
72. I can't drink Southern Comfort anymore.
73. I plan on going to school to be a pilot, or a lawyer, or a history teacher, or a forensic scientist, or a...
74. More than one person has told me that I should be a stand up comedian.
75. I have a badge.
76. I can disassemble and rebuild an M-16A2 service rifle in under a minute.
77. I have "hobbit feet" which are a constant source of amusement (and disgust) for my wife.
78. I am not a "boob man" or an "ass man", I am a "woman man".
79. I love cemetaries.
80. I can and have chewed a whole roll of Bubble Tape. All at once.
81. WWII is my "favorite war".
82. I didn't cry at the end of "Old Yeller". The dog was rabid. He had to die. Get over it.
83. I did, however, cry at the end of "Saving Private Ryan".
84. Spanish women are the hottest women on earth.
85. I have been through 3 hurricanes.
86. I nearly died in Yellowstone Nat'l Park when my dad almost drove us off a bridge.
87. Clowns don't scare me, but they all should die.
88. I have a psychotic hatred of anything having to do with Oprah.
89. My favorite word is "onomatopoeia".
90. I always wanted an RC plane. I never got one.
91. My oldest cat, Shadow, is 17. I just can't make myself get her put to sleep.
92. When I was 5 I stuffed a lilac pod up my sister's nose and lost it. I thought she was going to die. I also thought I was going to get grounded if she died.
93. I once ate a fly for $25.
94. In my junior year of high school I had a short story published in a literary magazine. I can't remember the name of the magazine or the name of the story.
95. I was named after Waylon Jennings.
96. My earliest memory is of standing in the kitchen watching dust in the sunbeams coming through the window. I was two and a half.
97. George Carlin is my hero.
98. I have read "Lord of the Rings" thirteen times. Every time I catch something new.
99. I am an accomplished cross-stitcher.
100. I started playing chess with my dad when I was 5. I didn't beat him until I was 13.

There, I did it. Finally. Now I have a headache. Where is the Advil?

Thought of the day:

"Autobiography is only to be trusted when it reveals something disgraceful. A man who gives a good account of himself is probably lying, since any life when viewed from the inside is simply a series of defeats." - George Orwell